GREEKS HAVE PROBLEMS WITH CHEQUES AGAIN
The Greece national team are all but out of Euro 2012 tonight after proving within six minutes that, once again, they can’t be trusted around cheques. A leading expert confirmed the difficulties being experienced by the country: “Greece are very, very poor. The football team is shit as well.”
However, amidst their economic woes, they did get lucky when one cheque bounced right into the path of Fanis Gekas to provide him with a simple tap-in.
RUSSIAN GANGSTERS ‘DEFINITELY DID NOT WIN LOTS OF MONEY’ ON GREEK RED CARD
Following the sudden rise in incredibly rich skinheads around the St. Petersburg urban area, a leading Russian bookmaker has moved to quash rumours that the corruption within the European Championships has led to those in the know to win lots and lots of money betting on things that are very unlikely to happen, like Greek defender Sokratis Papastathopodopolodopopulos getting the first red card of the tournament.
"No, no no, nothing like that," confirmed a spokesman for Fonbet. "There is nothing in our betting patterns to show that lots of burly men with guns placed distasteful amounts of money on this red card and told us our families would all die if we said anything. Nor did the same thing happen when this referee gave out any of his 167 red cards or 17 red cards in La Liga this season, when he definitely, definitely wasn’t on the payroll.
When approached for comment, Carlos Velasco Carballo said he definitely didn’t spend all of Thursday night practising how to spell Sokratis Papastathopoulos, and we couldn’t prove that. He also confirmed that the UEFA rule book lists ‘winning the ball cleanly in the air’ and ‘being in the way when somebody falls over’ as bookable offences.
An undercover Hospital Pass reporter followed a brand new Lamborghini belonging to one of the mobsters on Saturday morning and noticed him placing a bet of 500,000 rubles on Denmark beating the Netherlands by a single goal.